Is a new favorite word.

Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these”

Dori asked Jesus into her heart tonight for the first time. I know she is three and does not fully know what it means but I still think it needs to be recorded.

We were taking about baptism. It has come up frequently since last week.  I was telling her again that it is something we do if we have asked Jesus to be in our heart to follow Christ’s example.

Dori:  I want Jesus in my heart.

Me: If you want Jesus in your heart He will be in your heart.

Dori got quiet then smiled.

Dori: Jesus says He is in my heart.

And baby you are in His.

Last week we attended my nephew and neice’s baptism. There were about sixty people there including about two dozen kids.  I was watching Dori in the pool. A dad was watching his kids. We introduced ourselves, he pointed out his two boys. Asked which one was mine. I pointed her out as the little one right there (pointing to her).

 Him: Which one (confused)?

Me: There she is right there.

Him: The black one?

Me: Yes, she’s mine. (Dori is the only black child in the whole group)

Him: Well that’s great.

Me: Thank you (unsure what else to say).

Dori officially turned three last Friday. We did not do much - because any mention of it being her birthday just confused her (since her party was last weekend). I did take the day off work – yeah for an extra mommy day! And we did have a cupcake at the mall.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

One busy weekend + two late nights +water day at school = A hysterical breakdown every fifteen minutes

Sleep could not come fast enough.

Dori picked an adoption book for me to read tonight. It is for an older child so I was paraphrasing the contents. We got on the subject of her Ethiopian mother. I have talked about her Ethiopian mother before but she has never paid much attention. This time she did.

Why? Is what she asked when I told her her first mom could not take care of her. Why did she have no home? Why did she not go to the bank? God says that is what we do ( A little confusion on the theology but I think her point is God provides). And – this is the killer -Does she want to see me?  She had tears in her eyes. I told her it was OK to be sad. It makes me sad too.  It was a quick and intense conversation and I redirected her pretty fast.  Not because  I don’t want her to know about or think about these things. Honestly because though I have thought about it read about and prepared for this- I just could not find the right words. There are just no good answers. I have little information to pass on and she is too little to comprehend that going to the bank to get money to buy food is not an option – isn’t she? Should I say more or less? I do not want to over or under protect her.  Ugh!

I know the questions will only get harder. I am adult and I wrestle with them.

I left Dori with this - God can take something very, very sad and use to make something beautiful, like our family. I am Dori’s forever and ever mommy, that is what adopted means. I will not leave her. I said it because that is what she needed to hear. She relaxed after that and went on to another book. Anybody else have this conversation with their three year old?

We survived another birthday party. I am beat but Dori had a good time. I think I am going back to my no party policy.

There was an awesome speaker at our church today, Wes Bentley of  Far Reaching Ministries. Today  I was humbled  by his message today in a way that I have not felt humbled since leaving Ethiopia. We are just so blessed here in the United States

Countless hours I have spent, behind the back of a swing.

Gentle pushes, silly pushes, high pushes, make you fly pushes,

The two of us reaching the sky,

Me on the ground, you flying high,

Now you try a little bit more to do it on your own,

And I know that in a week or month or year,

You will be flying all alone.

When that day comes I will still be here -

Cheering you in from the ground.

But just for now, just for today

Let me give you a few more pushes,

Before you fly away.

*About three hours after I posted this Dori was outside playing with her cousins. I hear her call out “mommy, look at me!” She was full on swinging by herself. Is it OK if I am hoping that was just a fluke.