After twelve whole days off it is back to work tomorrow. Being a working mom is the toughest thing I have ever had to do. I love being with Dori and I love my job but together they leave me torn. Not able to give 100% to either just make me feel inadequate at both. We did a lot with our time off. Two beach trips, one Disney trip, Rainforest Cafe, a backyard camping experience, fireworks, lots of swimming and John’s Incredible Pizza today.
But I am left feeling like the weekend parent I am. Cram in the fun because we have only a bit of time together. It makes me sad that I don’t get to do the day-to-day stuff. I don’t get to work much with her on writing her name or learning her ABC’s. I miss the little things. The time we have is fleeting and full. I get her at the start of the day when she is barely awake and at the end of the day when she needs to go to bed. There are times that I miss out on her firsts. When she learned to pedal a bike it was without me knowing it. A big part of her day is someone else’s story that I get to hear at the end of the day.
But I did not win the Lottery or find a wealthy husband in the last twelve days and so it is off to work I go. Dori will be fine and I will be fine and the next four days will fly by. They always do when there is a lot to do. But I will miss not waking up to the alarm clock and making pancakes for breakfast. I will miss having an adventure each day and seeing her face light up when I tell her a plan. I will miss that I do not get to help practice D-O-R-I or paint the new used playhouse. Papa will be the one helping her swim without wings and sitting with her outside while she plays. I will work hard because that what I need to do but a small part of me will be home too.