What I Should Have Said

We were at the beach playground about a week ago when Dori and I were approached by a little girl who I would guess was about six. She wanted to know if I was Dori’s mom. I said I was.  She then started asking persistent questions about how I could be her mom since she was dark and I was not. I told her God makes families in all colors and tried to distracted her. This kid must have been studying genetics and would not accept my redirect or answer. Finally her dad started to talk about how we all have different shades of skin and dragged the persistent kidlet off. Of course after it happened I realized I should have handled it differently. I should have explained Dori has dark skinned because she is Ethiopian and most Ethiopians have dark skin.  I am not because I am caucasian. Our family was formed through adoption and that is a beautiful thing. I did not explain that at the time because I was trying to normalize our family. I was also trying to protect our privacy. Of course our family is not normal. We are different. And Dori would have no clue I am protecting privacy. She might however think I am embarrassed about our family or that she is adopted. I really think I missed the mark.

Dori’s adoption does not come up very often in public. Either people are close to me and know about Dori’s adoption or they are afraid to ask or just assume she is mine biologically. Only once have I been asked if she is adopted. As Dori gets older it is going to get tougher. Dori’s peers are going start asking questions and kids are not politically correct. In most cases, like this one, they are not even malicious just curious.  Next time I will be more forthcoming so Dori knows she can be proud of who she is and who we are. 

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About Beth

I am Jesus lover and single mom.
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3 Responses to What I Should Have Said

  1. Just discovered your blog! We have gotten this a lot over the past 4 years, more when the kids were babies. I answer with, “we are an adoptive family” that puts less focus on “he/she was adopted” and more on the unit of “us” that makes up how in the world I can be his mom! It is called entitlement. You are her mother, she is your daughter and it is because of adoption. Why should the standard of “normal” be biological families only? We are our own version normal!!

  2. Beth says:

    Thanks Laurie. I like the we language.

  3. Lisa says:

    We are better than “normal”!!! ….in my opinion,,, which counts ; )) Thanks for the insight as to what is coming!

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